"He’s about as effective in this situation as a tampon at a nursing home"
…I was originally going for tampon in a hurricane, but since that might be slightly useful, I went with “he’s about as effective in this situation as a tampon at a nursing home.” I could have said a tampon at a bull ride I guess…but again, the absorption would be useful. Although, if you think about a tampon being just a tool for absorbing liquid, I guess a nursing home would have a lot of liquids to absorb…..
Why is the process of one thing absorbing another is called “absorption?” Where the hell did that “p” come from? Which brings us back to the nursing home. Circle of life.
- how's work?
- Oh it's fine. Reviewing the emails from yesterday which was apparently slow as molasses.
- I always get weird about that idiom. I mean, moles aren't *that* slow. It would make more sense to say "slow as slothasses" but what do I know...
- Molasses is a viscous, syrup like substance
- Yes dear. I know.
- You just deadpanned me, didn't you...
- I sure fucking did!
- roses are red
- violets are blue
- in soviet russia
- poems write you
- What's the problem with the phone?
- It won't turn on, it just resets over and over.
- Are you on the device now?
- It. Won't. Turn. On.
- So you're not on the device?
The best and the brightest
- My car wouldn’t start this morning. Just nothing happened.
- What sound did it make when it started?
- It didn’t start. At all.
- I had that problem once.
Not a n00b
- When you click into your phone history, be sure that it's not calling the person you have a missed call from. =P
- How do you know that I just don't like messing with you.
- Because you didn't call me first to ask how you could accomplish that with the phone.
- Very funny. I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of messing things up all by myself.
- I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
- Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
- But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
- i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
- I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
- well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
- Let that possibly be a lesson to you.
- For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
- I'm very happy with my score of 89.
A.I. = Average Intelligence
- Hey! This IQ test says I have an IQ of 115!
- Congratulations, you're average.
- Oh you mean child support between parents?
- ....is there another kind?
- Are you there?
- No, I'm out drinking for St. Patrick's Day.
- Don't you wish.
- [10 minutes later]
- Was this a survey or did you need something?
- [M signed off]
- My idea of "management" is "do it fucking right so I don't have to."
- And I don't see anything wrong with that, frankly.
Funniest. Conversation. Ever.
- i am playing a game its called gusse who you ask me ? i have to give you yes or no answer to tell you who i am
- [...first round and second rounds...]
- my turn?
- ok go
- boy or girl
- so its a thing
- was ita man
- is it a bunny
- is he a star
- no is it a playboy bunny
- d: yes or a sort, c: no
- so its a playboy star
- no its not
- yeah a male playboy bunny lmao
- wouldnt that be a playgurl
- yeah lol
- that girl
- How is the loan, by the way?
- That's an....interesting answer.
Good News Everyone!
- What are you doing for your job, anyway?
- If it involves swallowing things in an alley, I have some news for you...
- im workin in a deli in a grocery store
- whats the news?